Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I love you. Go after that dick
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize