he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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