it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
