I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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