I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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