in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
