i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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