Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
