Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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