guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Dignity is for republicans.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
