He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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