the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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