why didn't you poke me back
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
