you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
