Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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