Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
