Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I need a burrito and a hug.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
