So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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