Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
