Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
