seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
