3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
