Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
