my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
