im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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