Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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