Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
