its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
