Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
