i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We're too hungover to prance.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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