i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm just crazy horny about you
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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