i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
