o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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