Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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