I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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