They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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