So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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