I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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