Duck Duck Cougar?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
