We won't sleep together?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
