i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
