just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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