god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
