ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
