You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
