i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
