Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize