Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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