Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
