whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize