I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
