your room smells of hookers.
And success
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
