Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Randomize
