It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize