Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
