hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
