well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize