That's intense
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
