I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize