dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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