From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
