The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
