do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize