OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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