Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She bit a glass in half.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
