we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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