I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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