I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
