that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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