Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
