someone threw a dead crab at me
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
