I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
