I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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