Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
