so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
