i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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