It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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