I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
