He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
