How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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