need another drink. this is the easiest way
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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