the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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