Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
