You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
