i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize