We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So much rum. So many feels.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
