Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
