if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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