All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
