my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
