Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
