I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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