THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
you made out with another girl for some wings
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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