i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
