Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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