note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
