Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
