just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
