please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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