She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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