yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
