what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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