i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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