it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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