We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
