You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
